Thursday, May 8, 2008

ALLAH Acbar ! ALLAH Acbar ! ALLAH Acbar !

Ozer Yisrael biGvurah ! Ozer Yisrael b'Tif'arah !

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Now, we have known for some time that the moon landing was faked. The "thumbs up" at point "E" on the above photo is a fine starting point for any argument. But only recently were we able to zoom in on the elusive point "3".

Can you believe the audacity of using a drunken crew of men, brought in on camelback, to film the famous hoax?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Five minutes earlier she was telling the dragon she and George weren't that serious.

What a fucking bitch.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

The Scentless Mayweed, also known as the corn feverfew, dog’s chamomile, horse daisy, or white gowlan, call it what you like, in any case, the thing is scentless. Is there any a greater tragedy in the world of flora than being scentless? I hate to be negative with the birth of Spring and all, but my God, to be without scent, the horror.

Jasmine Roses. Now were talking, like a peacock with sweaty balls, just struttin'...

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Time travel is less effective than one night think. Rather than going back in time and curing disease or killing Hitler, people often intertwine themselves in schemes to gamble on horse racing or get laid on prom night. And more often than not folks run into "themselves", stare at one another, and the universe wrinkles.....

....Unless you are talking about these guys. They have been living together since their time travel merge decades ago. They run the most effective self-defense school in Fairfield county, and are looking to franchise it. They avoid the universal paradox stare because they are too focused on the next chump they are going to lay the fuck out.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Soon after Japanese intelligence learned of the "Manhattan Project" Dr. Norboru Watanabe set off to create Japan's own secret weapon. Inspired by "Little Boy" and "Fat Man", the intercepted pet names for the American A-bombs, he created the XD200, otherwise known as "Super Armored Mecha Tojo," while visually stunning, S.A.M.T. was no match for an atomic bomb.

In the ensuing decades, robot technology advanced considerably. However, beta versions of the "work place wingman" have proved too aggressive during work place small-talk. The next generation of bots will be castrated.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Dance hands are an underrated addition to the whole dancing experience. Move them, wave them, cover them in gloves. Jazzy, sexy, defiant (like a hip-hop fist pump) are all possibilities.

Let's just not get too carried away though. On your wedding day darling? Oh Dear!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

During a recent parlour game at the Woodley's we joked about the irony of the blind driver, the deaf marriage counselor, the toothless seed sheller, and so on.

If only we had known of the handless organist who plays faithfully every Sunday at the Assumption Church on Riverside Avenue.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The Democratic People's Republic of Korea announced that Kim Jong Il's personal coin maker has stepped down.

Mr. Kim keeps a gold coin in his mouth at all times.

Sir Cunnan Backley has been making coins since the mid-sixteenth century, and has been employed by the Great Leader of North Korea since 1994. Knighted in 1553 under Queen Jane (the "nine days queen"), he has been a widely respected elder in the industry for centuries.

As far as we can, we have confirmed that the Harley House (also known as the Masonic Temple of Westport, CT), is haunted. We have monitored the house for decades and the repeated appearances of a ghostly apparition have justified our suspicions.

We spoke with the House's caretaker, seeking comment. Though he was in quite a state of disrepair, he confirmed that yes, indeed, the attic has been shuttered and locked for years.